Series: Wisdom That Works
Message: Wisdom Creates Community
Preacher: Amy Markoch
Reflection: Mark Witas
Live Wonder: Zan Long
Live Adventure: Jessyka Dooley
Live Beyond: J. Murdock
Live Purpose: Kyle Smith
Editor: Becky De Oliveira
Refresh: Begin with prayer. Ask for the Holy Spirit to open your heart to new understanding and for God’s character to be revealed.
Read: Proverbs 3:13-35 in the New International Version (NIV). Note 1–3 insights or questions.
Reflect: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act” (Proverbs 3:27).
I don’t know why, but when I read “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due” made my mind lean toward financial remuneration. Don’t dine and dash. Don’t shortchange somebody you are doing business with. Don’t be a cheapskate. Be fair and equitable in business.
But then I broadened the definition of “good.” I started to think of all the people through the years that were robbed of love from their parents as they grew up. No words of affirmation. No loving touch. No emotional support. These broken people, men and women, young and old, were withheld from. Their mothers and fathers had an obligation to give these children their due, and they failed miserably.
I was one of those children who didn’t hear “I love you” from their father. I’ll never forget my last trip to San Antonio because something happened during that trip that changed my relationship with my dad.
I had been speaking in New Mexico one weekend and decided I should stop in San Antonio on my way home to see the city (which I’d never visited) and a Spurs game before returning home. My flight and schedule accommodated this and the honorarium I received more than covered the diversion, so I booked it.
I ate a wonderful dinner on the Riverwalk, went to the game, and ended up in a hotel room watching a movie on HBO that night. I don’t remember the movie title, but I do remember the theme. It was about a father and son who never quite saw eye-to-eye. The father was an emotionally stunted man who never gave his son the verbal affirmation he needed as a child. The closing scenes of the movie depicts the dad on his deathbed and the son at this side. Just moments before the father dies, he tells his son that he loves him and that he’d always been proud of him.
I was blubbering like a baby.
I called my dad on the hotel phone. “Dad! I need you to tell me you love me.”
Silence. Then, “What the he%# is going on?”
“Dad, just say it. I need to hear it.”
“Well, you know I’m proud of you.”
“Dad. Say the words.”
“OK, OK. I love you, son.”
“Thanks.” And I hung up.
Several weeks later when we got together my dad asked me what in the world that was all about. I told him that I needed to hear from him that he loved me, even as an adult. And that I would always return the favor. He did, and I did too. It’s been so refreshing. Even life changing.
The wisdom writer says, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.” I believe we all need to make sure that we don’t withhold love. Love is something that every human being deserves. Love is the dues we pay to be called the children of God.
Recalibrate: Have you found yourself withholding love from the people closest to you in your life? Is it easy to use words of affirmation to express love to those who need it? Why or why not?
Respond: Pray these words: “Lord, help me to love liberally, to extend grace lavishly and to let those around me know they are held in my highest regards.”
Research: (This is particularly for men!) Read 102 Words of Affirmation Every Wife Wants to Hear by Matt Jacobson.
Remember: “My child, hold on to wisdom and reason. Don’t let them out of your sight” (Proverbs 3:21, ICB).
Mark Witas is the lead pastor at Sunnyside Adventist Church in Portland, Oregon.
Play a pouring game with your little one by using a faucet and plastic cups. Place a large bucket underneath the faucet so you are not wasting water and turn the faucet on. Experiment with your little one on how to fill up the cups. You can fill up one cup that then fills up the others or you can place one cup underneath the faucet, filling up one at a time. God’s goodness pours out over all of us. Choose to stand in God’s blessing and be open to all He is doing in you.
Do you want to know something super crazy? The Bible tells us that even God uses wisdom. Listen to this! “Using His wisdom, the Lord made the earth. Using His understanding, He set the sky in place. Using His knowledge, He made rivers flow from underground springs. And He made the clouds drop rain on the earth.” Did you know that God created our world using His wisdom? Because of His wisdom, God made it so fish could breathe underwater. Can you imagine if fish couldn’t breathe underwater? That would be a disaster! Because of His wisdom, God made bumble bees who carry pollen so we can have even more beautiful flowers. It’s so incredible to think that wisdom was a part of the creation of our world! And guess what? Proverbs tells us that we get access to wisdom, too! Just like God made this beautiful world, we can make beautiful things all around us: art, food, friendships—you name it!
Every day before I walk out the door I jam my pockets with a bunch of stuff. I keep everything I carry every day in a little tray inside my nightstand so it’s all there when I’m just about to leave for the day.
Into my right front pocket I place my cell phone and a pen; in my watch pocket (that little pocket that sits just above the pocket in jeans) I put a Zippo lighter and my Chapstick; in my left pocket goes my keys; in my back right pocket goes my wallet and a pocket knife; in my back left pocket goes a notebook and a mini flashlight.
Every day, same stuff without fail.
I keep these things with me at all times just in case I ever need them. They make me feel more prepared for the challenges I will face as I move about the world.
But it turns out I have my essential items configured all wrong as I read through Proverbs 3:21. It says that there are only two things I need to carry with me every day: “wisdom and discretion.” Fortunately for my pockets, Solomon says I need to carry wisdom in my soul and discretion around my neck.
What’s in your pockets today? Is there space for wisdom and discretion? And if not, how will you make space in your soul and around your neck to make sure they are with you today?
When I read this verse which admonishes us to not withhold good from others, I’m instantly brought back to the lunchroom in high school. There were the cool kids and everyone else. If you weren’t “cool” you couldn’t sit at the cool kids’ table. And the terrible thing was that there was no criteria for being cool. You just had to be accepted and deemed cool by the cool kids. There were times when I was at the cool table, and many times I wasn’t. The thing that troubles me is remembering the “elite” mentality that would start to develop in my heart anytime I was fortunate enough to sit at the cool table. I would begin to get a little bit cocky, and I would start to think of other people as less than me. Yet, the fascinating thing is that a couple of days later I wouldn’t be invited to sit at the cool table and I would instantly realize how small I was. As I think about the roller coaster days of high school, it makes me wish I could go back and change some things. If I could do it all again, I would never sit at the cool table. I don’t say that out of bitterness but because there were so many times I withheld goodness from others. I didn’t want to damage my reputation, or make my days at the cool table short. So I would go on with my life pretending that some people were invisible. Today I challenge you: Do not withhold your goodness from anyone. Be nice to the underdog, invite the nerd to your house, sit with the people who are never “cool.” This will jeopardize your status at school. But I will tell you is this—you will be living in the Way of Jesus. Jesus always hung out with the people who no one else wanted to be with. May we all learn to walk in His ways each and every day.
Zan Long is GRC director for faith development for ages 0-17. She lives in Sydney, Australia, and serves at her local church in nearby Kellyville.
Jessyka Dooley is assistant youth director for the Rocky Mountain Conference of Seventh-day Adventists in Denver, Colorado.
J. Murdock is associate pastor at Boulder Adventist Church in Boulder, Colorado, where he focuses on youth and young adult ministry.
Kyle Smith is the associate pastor of youth and family ministries at New Haven Adventist Church in Overland Park, Kansas.