Series: Love Glue
Message: Glue Stick: Apply With Care
Preacher: Japhet De Oliveira
Reflection: Mike Speegle
Live Wonder: Zan Long
Live Adventure: Zan Long
Live Beyond: Brandon Kharns
Live Purpose: Vanessa Rivera
Editor: Becky De Oliveira
Refresh: Begin with prayer. Ask for the Holy Spirit to open your heart to new understanding and for God’s character to be revealed.
Read: Ephesians 5:21-33 in the New Living Translation (NLT). Note 1–3 insights or questions.
Reflect: After talking about the expectation for us to intentionally and purposefully submit to each other, Paul begins Verse 22 with these words: “For wives, this means . . .”
Don’t miss who these verses are written to, because if you’re not a wife, they’re not for you or to you. What’s written to you and for you was found in Verse 21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” and maybe, if you’re a husband, what’s found beginning in Verse 25. Let’s be clear, if it’s not written to you, it’s not for you. So, if you’re not a wife, skip today’s Daily Walk.
If you are a wife, let me see if I can help you. When Paul originally penned these thoughts he was writing to women who knew what life was like living in submission to someone. Women were property. Women were expected to bear children and take care of the home. Period.
They would not have been offended by Paul’s words. In fact, they might have been encouraged. Paul had just written that everyone should live in submission to one another. He was saying this isn’t a one-sided thing; this is a Jesus thing.
I would guess that if you’re a wife there was a time (maybe there still is) when you were glad to be submissive, to give in and go along, because you loved the person you had chosen to marry. And while the years may have weathered that feeling, I hope it’s still there, even if it’s only as a memory. Because when we’re in love a lot of stuff doesn’t matter.
It’s really about the choice of how we understand this whole submission thing. (You may be thinking, “Yeah, but you’re a guy, so you don’t get it.”) Please hear me out if only because of the fact that I have pastored for a long time. What you invest in your marriage and how you invest it is what you will get back. Bottom line: if you don’t, you won’t.
There’s a biblical idea that says you can’t reap what you don’t sow. Submission isn’t about control; it’s about a choice all wives make about how they will treat and respond to their husbands. Think about how you’d like to be treated and then do that for the guy in your life. Having mutual respect for each other is one of the healthiest things you can do for your relationship.
Recalibrate: Thayer, in his word study, says of the word submission: “in non-military use, [it] was ‘a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.’” Where might you need to choose a voluntary attitude of giving in (going along), cooperating, assuming responsibility, or helping to carry some of the load today?
Respond: Father, help my attitude towards ______ be more like yours towards me.
Research: There are a lot of websites that list what a guy needs in a relationship and (they are pretty consistent in what they list). Do a Google search and read through a few of these “needs” while thinking about the idea of submission.
Remember: “Be willing to obey each other. Do this because you respect Christ” (Ephesians 5:21, ICB).
Mike Speegle is the lead pastor for New Hope, an exciting, young, multi-ethnic Adventist Church in Fulton, Maryland. Mike became a follower of Jesus and an Adventist in his early 20s. Pacific Union College was the first Adventist school he ever attended; he met his wife Lorie there. Mike has pastored for 30+ years, served in the Ministerial Association of the General Conference, and has written a book, Big Questions, as well as a number of articles.
Make a tent with your little one by stretching a bed sheet over two chairs. Get under the sheet and pretend you are camping somewhere out in the wild. Imagine that your tent is no longer a bed sheet but a super protective tent that will always keep you safe no matter what is going on outside. Imagine all the animals that you can see from your tent. The promise God has made to those who love His son is to always keep them safe for eternity. God is our tent. Enjoy your camping.
Have you ever seen a submarine? They are designed to go underneath the water for a very long time. Imagine if a submarine never got to do what it was designed to do. That would be a big waste. We are designed to be underneath God so His plans can cover us. When you jump into bed tonight pull the bedclothes over your head. You are now a submarine and your blankets are the ocean. Dream of all the good things that God has planned for you and pray that you will see and hear and do what God has planned for you.
Every phase of life has its own challenges. The preteen phase isn’t exactly known to be the phase when you are happy to do whatever people want. Maybe you’re different. Maybe you love to be bossed around and told what to do without question. Maybe the thought of someone else being in control of your life makes you all warm and fuzzy inside. Yeah, right. I’m with you on that—I hate being told what to do. When I was your age, I couldn’t wait to get out from under the control of my parents. It pretty much consumed my thoughts. If this is anything like you, than you probably will not like this week’s attack. At all. Stick with us though; there’s more there than you think.
So here in Ephesians 5:21, Paul has the nerve to tell us to submit to each other. Some translations go as far to say that we should “obey” each other. Which is when people like us jump in with, “Naw, I’m good.” But don’t stop there.
Jesus came to bring us freedom, not to ask us to follow each other mindlessly. 1 Timothy 1:7 says that the Spirit of God does not make us timid and weak, but powerful. So what gives? I’ll jump to the punchline: God isn’t asking us to blindly follow; He’s asking us to be humble.
Say an old church member walks up to you and yells at you for not dressing right or wearing your hair the right way. Submitting, the way Paul means it, doesn’t mean to hang your head in shame and throw out all your clothes. Submitting in this instance means being humble and wise enough to realize that there’s a lot more going on. If he’s angry enough to yell at you for such ridiculous reasons as having the wrong clothes or the wrong hair, then he probably carries a lot of anger around with him about other things. What a horrible life. Poor old man. No, it’s not fair that he’s taking out whatever anger he has on you. But humility and wisdom mean that you can get over your own anger for being treated badly and not react in a way that will make it worse.
Or maybe you are hanging out with your friends at church and someone comes out and lectures you like a little kid for not being in the sanctuary. My first reaction to that is to talk back. Maybe yours is too. The way Paul asks us to handle a situation like this is to calm down those self-defense reactions and turn off the pride. I know it’s hard. I still have a hard time with it. But it’s in the Bible for a good reason. It’s the better way to live life.
This text starts out by instructing wives to submit to their husbands—in a way, to accept the authority the husband has. Now, this text has been explained in different ways. It’s about cooperation. It’s kind of like how when your teacher tells you to take a test and you take it. Most likely, you would do anything to get out of that test. However, you respect the authority that teacher has so you take the test. The teacher isn’t threatening you or forcing you; it’s a case mutual respect. In a healthy relationship, getting along with someone sometimes requires mutual respect. How are you when it comes to behaving this way? Do you find that you’re the one showing more respect in a relationship or less?
Zan Long is GRC director for faith development groups. She lives in Sydney, Australia, and serves at her local church in nearby Kellyville.
Brandon Kharns is the family life pastor at Placerville Seventh-day Adventist church in the Sierra Nevada foothills of California near Lake Tahoe.
Vanessa Rivera is a therapist in a community mental health center in Denver, CO, and serves as the lead elder for Live Purpose at Boulder Church.